A wonderful "side effect" of SSP & RRP - boundaries that actually stick.
A client of mine recently joked that we should have a tagline for SSP like this:
“SSP: For Women Who Want the Courage to Separate from Their @#$%! Husbands.”
We both laughed. It was meant as a joke, but as with most good jokes, there was real truth underneath it. Over and over again, I’ve seen clients discover a newfound ability to recognize toxic dynamics and take steps to protect themselves once they begin SSP - and when paired with RRP, that courage and clarity deepen even more.
This isn’t about convincing someone to leave a relationship or a job. It’s about what happens when your nervous system finally has the regulation, clarity, and grounding it needs to see things for what they are, and act accordingly.
When domestic violence or significant abuse is involved, special care is essential. It is not always safe for someone to suddenly become more assertive or begin using their voice differently. The risk of escalation must be considered carefully.
In these situations, it’s best if SSP or RRP delivery is guided by a provider who is not only a mental health professional but also someone experienced in working with domestic violence. Part of the work is carefully assessing whether increased assertiveness and boundary-setting are safe in that context.
When someone is stuck in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, family system, or workplace, it’s easy from the outside to think: Why don’t they just leave?
But inside, the story is completely different:
No amount of “thinking it through” changes that. It’s not about logic - it’s physiology.
Together, these protocols help clients move from survival mode into a grounded clarity where instincts can be trusted and boundaries acted upon.
The Hidden Abuse in a “Good” Relationship
One young woman had been my therapy client for months. She always spoke positively about her boyfriend. But very soon after starting SSP, she suddenly shared that she realized her relationship was actually abusive. When she spoke to her family, they confirmed they had been deeply worried. With her nervous system more regulated, she ended the relationship soon after. She described this as her biggest SSP improvement.
The Job She Couldn’t “Cope” With
Another client began SSP and asked me: “Should SSP be making it harder for me to cope with my job?” When I asked what she meant, it turned out her boss regularly screamed at her in front of customers, calling her names. I told her I didn’t think coping was the right goal. The very next time he screamed at her, she walked out mid-shift - and never returned.
The Marriage She Could Finally Leave
A third client wanted to do SSP with her two children. I hadn’t realized she was in an abusive marriage until the session in which we started. I took special care to go extra slowly and cautiously with SSP, starting her process first and being sure it was extra gentle. I knew we were on the right track when she emailed me a couple weeks into the process, asking if I knew of support groups for women preparing to separate. We eventually layered in RRP to support sleep and grounding. Within weeks, she had the clarity and courage to leave. She and her children are now thriving - and even returned for a second round of SSP.
Not every SSP or RRP journey leads to leaving a marriage or job - nor does it need to. But almost every client I’ve supported reports shifts in assertiveness, protectiveness, and boundary-setting.
They:
Often, this begins with simply noticing their own cues — like the disgust face a person makes when talking about their partner, even while saying “I don’t know how I feel.” (This was true for me, until my Somatic Experiencing therapist pointed it out. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it - and I notice it in clients all the time.)
These are profound nervous system shifts, not personality changes. When the body feels safer, it frees the person to act in alignment with what they already know deep down. Sometimes partners can then adapt and show up differently and better too - especially if they are willing to do their own SSP, RRP or other nervous system work. Other times they can't and that can provide useful information.
SSP and RRP don’t hand people divorce papers or job resignation letters. But they do something more powerful: they support the nervous system to feel safe enough, rested enough, and embodied enough to see clearly and act courageously.
So while the tagline made us laugh, maybe it isn’t so far from the truth after all.
SSP & RRP: For nervous systems ready to stop just coping — and start protecting, asserting, and thriving.
If you or someone you care about is navigating these kinds of challenges, know that support is available. I am a mental health professional with over 30 years of clinical experience - including a decade in a hospital-based sexual assault and domestic violence care centre - and I’ve devoted my career to helping highly sensitive and complex individuals. I offer SSP and RRP services remotely and internationally, and I also provide individual and group consultations to fellow providers who want guidance in using these modalities safely and effectively.